It had been a month and my sickness had not let up. The doctor had given me all kinds of medicine, each one making me feel worse than that last. I was eventually moved into the hospital for closer observation, something I could scarcely afford and that happened against my protest.
I had a fever that would come and go, a deep tiredness, some coughing, a sore throat that would do the same as the fever, and a stuffy nose. Nothing too bad and surely nothing that I thought that would be life threatening. Yet because the symptoms were getting worse and worse and new ones kept popping up they wanted me in.
One thing I did notice was that I was falling into deeper and deeper sleeps. I was having vibrant and vivid dreams that seemed almost lifelike multiple times a night, the one good thing that was coming from all of this. I began writing down the dreams in a journal that I kept by my bedside looking for connections and to give myself something to do.
I had also purchased some books on lucid dreaming to give me something to read at my stay at the hospital. Even though it drove me crazy to not use my body at the very least I could give my mind something to do, to keep it from going to waste. I had tried some of the things I read in the lucid dream books. I did reality checks, tried to preprogram dreams beforehand, and looked for dream signs but still failed to take control of my dreams like the books promised.
The few times I did become lucid the dream would fall apart around me, I could sometimes prolong this by spinning rapidly in my dream but even then I was having trouble keeping things stable. I decided I was just going to let the dreams take their course, be an observer, and see what I could learn.
My mom and wife, who came to see me everyday, were worried about me. They’d say things like “You’ll be back to normal and out of here in no time, quit fussing with those dreams so much.” I would just smile and nod. Maybe they didn’t realize how long an hour, much less a day was when there was literally nothing you could do and your body was rebelling against you.
The doctors grew more and more concerned each passing day and had me confined to the bed 24 hours a day, except for bathroom breaks. I didn’t mind. What started with a dull pain throughout my body now felt like knives digging into me every time I moved. And like I said my dreams were growing more and more vivid and were more interesting than anything you could find on TV, in virtual reality, or even a good drug trip.
After another week in the hospital and worsening conditions I consumed myself with pouring over my dream recordings and notes. Knowing that there had to be connections, patterns, or something that I was missing in between them. The only thing I could find was in about 40% of the dreams I was looking for a river of some sort. One time I was in China, the next in Cleveland, and the next in some remote forest not of this world, and so on and so forth.
Though I was many different places and times I was still looking for this river. As far as I could tell the river didn’t have a name but I was determined that upon next lucidity I would ask and figure out more about this river that I sought what the importance of it was.
My next chance came quicker than I thought. That night I was dreaming I was in a bazaar of the ancient middle East. I had grabbed a strange fruit of some sort and was holding it up to the sun to look at it. It was then I noticed I only had 3 fingers. I looked around and then noticed that there was two suns as well. I calmed myself knowing that I was in a dream, not wanting it to destabilize in my excitement.
I set the strange fruit down and began looking around for someone I believed could tell me about this river. Across the market was an old leathery man sitting down on a rug, a turban wrapped around his head. He gazed at me from between the stalls and I knew I had found my man.
I walked over and squatted down next to him. He continued to look forward not acknowledging me.
“I’m looking for a river.”
No response.
“I’ve been searching for this river through many places and times, and I know that you have knowledge of it.”
Again the man gave no answer.
Growing desperate I figured it was my dream so I’d force it out “I command you to answer me!”
The man smiled and starting laughing but still stared ahead not giving me the response I wanted.
“Why won’t you answer me?”
The man finally turned to me, his smile gone. He looked me up and down studying me. “Are you sure you want this answer, for it will start you on a path that you cannot return from.”
“Of course I want the answer.” I stated, stamping my foot.
The man shook his head “You’re a fool to answer so quickly. If this is what you truly desire I will tell you all that I know of the river.”
“Tell me.”
The man sighed and nodded solemnly “Very well. The river that you seek requires a key to reach. For it is deep within the ether. And again I must warn you that those that seek the river do not return and that this is something I beg you to not take lightly. The key can be found in many different places depending on one’s desire. But no matter what the key will be hard won and require you to overcome your fear. For now all you need to know is that you need the key. Once you have acquired the key the other parts of the journey will open up to you.”
“Where can I find the key?”
The man looked up at the sky “You’ll find it when you really want it, but our time is short.”
And with that the man began to blur and I awoke to a dark hospital room. Despite my pain I immediately reached over to my journal and flicked on a light by the bed, writing down what I had just heard.
My wife stirred from across the room opening one eye “Baby what on earth are you doing? Are you okay?
“I’m fine babe, sorry if I woke you, I had to remember something.”
“Okay.” she said half asleep staring at me for a few more seconds before rolling back over.
I looked down at my scribbles hoping I could make them out later. I laid back down and for the first time in awhile fell into a dreamless sleep.
When I woke the next day all I could think about was how to get the key. I took the medicine the doctors gave me without fuss, ate all the hospital food, that I could never seem to keep down, because it gave my wife and mother less worry when I did, and did everything possible to get people off my back to focus on this key.
I wrote about it and tried to visualize what it might look like in my mind. I looked forward to sleep more than anything else for two reasons. The first to stop the pain that continued to grow and the second to continue my quest for the key. Not to mention day to day living was getting harder and harder. Eventually night rolled around and I got my wish. I felt myself drift off to sleep and did all I could to control my excitement.
However it would be three days from then that I would finally become lucid again. I was sitting on a great boat lined with cannons and burly men with harpoons. On the side of the boat swam a great whale unlike any on earth. The whale had sharpened fins, a razor sharp tail, and a row of gnashing teeth the tore men to bits. The whale stretched the size of the boat and beyond and was the most impressive creature I had ever seen.
A burly man who I imagined to be the captain of the vessel turned to me with a dark iron harpoon in his hand. He slammed it against my chest and nodded.
“Well I hope you know what you’re doing.” he said before turning to the side revealing a plank to walk.
The other men on the vessel started cheering me. Apparently at some point I had volunteered to gut the whale myself. I looked down at the mighty creature below with fear and trembling. It had turned on its side and looked up at me with an eye that shone intelligence.
“Make it count.” said the gruff captain giving me a strong smack on the back that sent me a few steps down the plank.
I crawled out to the edge of the plank and looked down at the black violent sea and the monstrous creature looking up at me. I stood up and raised my harpoon on high. With a yell I leapt face first with the harpoon stretched out in front of me. The great beast whirled about with the speed of a serpent and I found myself falling right into its jaws.
I heard the mighty jaws snap behind me and felt my harpoon fall away from me into the blackness. I fell for what seemed like minutes until I crashed against some liquid deep within the whales stomach. I felt around in the darkness for something solid but could do nothing but tread water. I was alive but for how much longer I wasn’t sure.
Finally either my eyes adjusted or some strange light entered the whale’s stomach and I could make out my surroundings. I sat in a pool of water surrounded by dead fish and squid as well as the wooden bits of ship planks. I looked down and saw that the water as not as deep as I had first thought. I recognized my harpoon near the bottom of the pool and went to retrieve it.
I took a deep breath and descended down towards the harpoon grabbing it but it wouldn’t budge. It was stuck in the whale’s fatty side. I pulled and pulled but the harpoon would not move. I looked around to see what else I could find. It was then that I saw something shiny down below, at the bottom of the brute’s stomach. I swam down towards it.
It was also stuck in the side of the whale’s stomach. I yanked on it and exclaimed. It was a golden key. ‘Could this be the key?’ I thought to myself. I suddenly felt a violent trembling through the whale. It was as if the structure of the whale was collapsing. I then felt a mighty explosion that shot me out of the whale and deep into the sea.
I looked up to the see the whale falling apart on top of me struck with a explosive of some sort. I descended into the deep waters with the golden key still in hand. The outline of the ship overhead grew more and more distant until it faded completely from view.
It was then that I woke up in a fit of coughing and gagging. My wife rushed to my side and called for a nurse. I was soon calmed down and laid back down.
“Are you okay?” my wife’s worried face hovered above me.
“Fine.” I replied.
She looked doubtful but nodded and sat back down. Truth be told the coughing felt like it was ripping apart my insides and the gagging as if I was hacking up an organ or two.
The nurse checked me out and everything seemed to be fine. I assured them I was. Finally lying back down I wondered if when I next entered my dream world if I would still have the key in my possession. It would be two whole weeks and even worse conditions before I’d get my answer.
I was in a forest in the full splendor of autumn. Reds and yellows swirled around me. A strong wind cut through the forest blowing leaves and sticks everywhere. I seemed to be running from something but what it was I could not tell.
I crashed through the woods chased by an unknown terror, only knowing that I needed to keep pressing forward lest it overtake me. In my rush I started down a hill and lost my footing. I crashed and tumbled down the long hill until I came to rest at the side of a rushing river. I stood up staring at the river. What shocked me even more was my key was a few feet in front of me, close to the water’s edge.
I reached down and grabbed it and looked at the river itself. Still chased by some terror I looked for a way to cross it. There was a small wooden boat tied up near the water’s edge on the bank. With a shout I ran towards it and soon had it in the river that was rushing me off to some unknown destination.
Once I had gone a ways down I looked back at the bank and gasped when I saw a shadowy form that had materialized where I had just been at the river’s edge. The form watched me go and I knew it must have been that which I was running from and for some strange reason knew it would bother me no more.
I sank down in the boat breathing out a sigh of relief. I did not know what that thing was but was glad I was quickly putting distance between me and it. The river’s current picked up sending my boat over rapids. Ahead of me I saw a ancient bridge that crossed over the river with inscription on the side. As I neared the bridge I read out the inscription.
“This Is Not The River” I blinked and read it twice. Surely this had to be the river that I sought. After all the key and everything lined up so perfectly. I didn’t have long to think for the current picked up even more and I soon saw why. Ahead of me was a waterfall.
I saw that there was no way for me to get out of the boat and was strangely resigned to my fate. I saw a great gulf as the boat sailed over the falls and I tumbled down into the swirling waters below, key still firmly in hand. The water swallowed me and my vision went black.
I woke up on dry land my clothes wet and soggy and my hand still clenched around the key. There was total darkness around me as if I was in a cave of some sort. I could not hear any water so was not sure how I ended up there. I stood up to get my bearings when I saw a faint light ahead of me. It seemed to be beckoning to me so I started walking towards it.
The light grew a little brighter the closer that I got and finally I stood before a stone door with faint designs on it that glowed with a pale yellow light. I touched the door and it was warm to the touch. Feeling around it I felt a slight depression in the middle, a perfect fit for a key.
I quickly inserted the key I held in my hand and it was a perfect fit. The key turned and the door sank back allowing me to pass by it. I walked into a room where a faint glowing yellow light shone up from the bottom. I found I was in a sort of underground cavern and at the edge of a bank of a bright yellow flowing river.
A man in black robes and a white mask stood by the river and acknowledged me as I approached.
“The river.” he stretched out his hand behind him.
I looked down at it. It seemed to pulse with a life force of sorts and was clearly not water.
“Once you merge there is no going back.” said the mysterious man.
I knelt down and stared at the river. I felt a peace wash over me unlike any I had ever felt before. The river beckoned to me, its glowing light drawing me in. With a sigh of relief I fell forward and into the river, an endless bliss overtaking me having finally found what I so long searched for and needed.
The nurse crashed into the room as a series of sirens and buzzers were going off. The doctor followed soon behind her.
“What’s going on!” shouted John’s wife.
“Ma’m I’m going to need you to leave.” urged the nurse as more raced into the room behind her.
“But what’s happening?!” shouted John’s wife.
“Please ma’m just come with me.”
The next morning John’s mother and wife sat across from the doctor, both were in tears.
“I’m very sorry for the both of you. We’re still not exactly sure what happened. It was as if his body just shut off during the night. At the very least it seems that his passing was painless. Again, I’m very sorry for your loss.”
